Just Cause A Radish Can't Scream

Amy Wright

Food is one of the greatest things about life. Not only does it keep the life train chugging down the tracks, it is one of the things that can make the trip very pleasant. Taste is one of the five major natural senses after all. As with all wonderful things however, food can have its dark side. One of the necessities of life, it can also be a major factor in human mortality, either by having not enough or too much. The first causing death by emaciation the other by obesity, both conditions leading to cardiac arrest. Apart from the influence on human life and death, myriad types of nourishment carry their own issues. From implications for morality to potential negative impacts on the natural environment with which we all need to live or meet a terrible agonizing end. It being quite clear by now that the planet is angry at us and wouldn't mind one bit were the tall, hairless monkeys to suddenly meet with an unfortunate, species-ending “accident.” Making things even more complicated is the constant moving of the goal-posts in terms of what foods are “healthy” and which foods are not healthy. It can be very difficult to know what to eat or how much. There is however one square of the food groups chart that should be avoided at all costs if one wants to live an happy, healthy, moral life: Fruit and Vegetables.

Contrary to popular prejudice, so-called “inhuman organisms”, particularly “plants” do have feelings. Numerous studies by trained botanists with real degrees from accredited universities, found that if they connected sensors to plants, the other plants would react when one of them was picked. Turns out that plants have unconscious, driving group empathy. Which is more than I can say for most most humans I know. There are those who would have you believe that slaughtering and eating animals for food is “wrong”, while wantonly and mindlessly eating the dismembered elements of these beautiful living things. Turns out you can't violently remove an integral part of any living organism, or extract it from the literal roots of its life without causing it serious harm or damage. Go figure.

Much has been made about the environmental damage associated with the ranching and processing of farm animals, particularly in terms of the land required. While they are not as obvious a problem because they do not tend to be “cleared”, orchards also take up precious land space and do little to help the surrounding environment, monopolizing land that could be put to better use. Uses such as apple tree and berry bush sanctuaries where they can be free to grow and exist in peace or, even better, a printing factory specializing in environmentally-friendly hemp bags and apparel declaring how one supports the environment.

If this were not bad enough, fruits and vegetables, clearly the work of an evil conspiracy, have to be sprayed with chemicals to keep insects from ruining them. Chemicals which have an unfortunate tendency to be sprayed while the workers, mostly criminally underpaid migrants, are picking the fruit and veg in question. Still want to complain about the “health ramifications” and “moral issues” around beef?