Tartan Rage 

Amy Wright

There has been much made in recent years about the near sanctified importance of Culture. Far from being arbitrary signifiers made up on the fly and legitimized and entrenched over time, despite what those pesky “Anthropologists” might “prove,” Culture is the most important aspect of any human being. As such, it behooves all of us to be as protective as possible of our own Cultures and be as insular as possible, like the United States managed to be though most of the Second World War, only caving in at the 11^th hour after being directly attacked. Rightly so too. Sod “the greater good” countries must look out for themselves. This is what Germany did in the 1930s and just look how well that turned out.

There are, of course, brainwashed negative nellies who will say that this out look is cynical or even “prejudiced” but this is only because they have been foolish enough to fall for the obvious lie that so-called “Cultural Exchange” makes life “richer.” A notion with absolutely no evidence behind it except the fact that “trade” has gone on as long as people have had the means to go to other countries and the majority of modern Cultures are at least influenced if not outright hybrids of older ones. But what was that prove?

As such, I would like to join the choir of the outraged belting out screeds against everything from saris outside the Indian community community to dreadlocks on anyone not black (despite the fact it only applies to Jamaican culture and not “black” culture in general) and stand up for my own Scottish culture, which as been exploited, abused and mocked for far too long. Not only did the Americans bastardize the proud Scottish spirit of whisky, first distilled in Scotland in 1494 before the first North American colonies were even dreamed of, they cannot even spell it correctly. “Whiskey” my royal Scottish bottom! In a perfect world, in which the principles of “cultural appropriation” are applied properly and equally, no one who is not Scottish or at least of proven Scottish ancestry, would be allowed to destill, bottle, sell, buy or consume this staple of Catalonian brilliance.

Even more egregious is the crass and callous use of plaid, particularly by the younger generation and those, ironically enough, most concerned about Cultural appropriation and critical of those who engage in it. As long as they are sufficiently melanin deprived. Plaid is not simply a pattern, like polka dots or paisleys (also Scottish). It is the way that clans used to identify and define themselves in all aspects of society. A role similar to that of familial sigils and coats of arms. Like these alternative forms, a clan's tartan is representative of a elaborate and important history and a source of deep personal pride. To see them now worn “ironically” in the form of an overpriced shirt by every second millennial and hipster, the poorly secured patterned ties only adding insult to injury, is a grave affront to my people, ourselves no strangers to oppression particularity, by the English.